I want to walk on stilts...naked
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
