I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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