It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
