They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
