Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
