I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
