i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
