I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
