Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So many bounce houses so little time
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
