i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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