so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
