I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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