im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
