end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
