jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.