Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships

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(719): View more from Colorado

He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"

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(519): View more from Ontario

like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...

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27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Read it at the TFLN blog
(740): View more from Ohio

I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.

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(817): View more from Texas

Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.

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(216): View more from Ohio

I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like

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(707): View more from California

Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.

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