if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
