we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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