Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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