If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
