so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
