I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dignity is for republicans.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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