Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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