i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
