well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
