i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
