so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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