Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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