I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
