I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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