So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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