I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
