FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Text me some of your sweat
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize