she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
