By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
