just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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