I wanna bring you to show and tell
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
