maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
