the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
