We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
