You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
