i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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