God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
