if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
