My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
