ugly people sure do ruin things
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
