Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
