They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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