saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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