What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
