I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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