New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
