Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
