Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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