he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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