Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
