If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
