So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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