Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
