If that was your dad, he is hot
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
