I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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