I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
