Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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