I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize