I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
