all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
