He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
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Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
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There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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