What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
