So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
