went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
