I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I need to align my fucking chakras
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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