I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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