It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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