I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
