the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
